6 May- Hong Kong.   Scientist have discovered that massive gun-toting robots have been systematically causing global warming.  They say that when the robots battle in major metropolitan areas, the damage they cause increases the amount of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere.  “Delicate wetlands are being harmed,” said Dr. Price of the Anti Giant Robot League “Not to mention, entire city blocks… I’m mean, c’mon!  My favorite Starbucks was destroyed last week!”  Eyewitness reports say that a new Starbucks emerged in it’s place.

Now what is the effects of all these robots battling for supremacy mean for our world.  Most scientist agree that the battling robots engine exhaust is releasing CO2 which is the culprit behind the gradual rise in global temperature.  Their giant flame cannons, on the other hand,  is a contributing factor in the extremely rapid rise in global temperature.

“We need to reduce our carbon footprint.”  Dr. Price said before being stepped on by a sarcastic robot.  Mike Collins of the Robot Defense institute says that robots only play a small part in Global Warming.  “The real culprit is that Dr. Manticore and his earth warming liquid called Lava,”  Collins said, but right now that just seems like pure speculation.

Hello all,
I want to throw out a huge and completely shameless plug for my good friend,  obedient subordinate, and frequent commenter– Katie.   Her band will be playing a show that will surely level four city blocks with it’s awesomeness.  Details are located here. I think her music is best described as an ecclectic, acoustic, ergonomic, agrarian, hypnotic and infuzes listeners with feeling of calm that destroys border conflicts in the middle east,  makes doves spontaneously erupt from her guitar and has been known to pull people out of comas.   It can also kill zombies with nothing but it’s rich pure sound.

If you are in the area, I require you to go to this show and report to me when you have completed this task.

That is all.

Good luck Katie.

Why cant we all sell off our stuff and move into the wild of Alaskan wilderness?   Well, my short answer is that if everyone did that, no one would want to buy my toaster. ( Nowhere to plug it in).  The fact of the matter is that there needs to be someone left behind to keep the lights on.  And probably more than just one person. One guy to run the electricity switches, one guy to keep fresh boxes of cereal appearing on the shelves.  And possibly one more guy to be on TV and read fake news every night.  “There was a 50 car pileup on the freeway…  Snow is forecast for the greater portion of the cereal aisle…  What you don’t know about bellybuttons could kill you,  Tune in at 10 to learn what we refuse to just tell you now….”   We’d probably need somebody around to keep sending out spam e-mails to the other four people.  We’d possibly need a pretty girl to walk around complaining that there are no good men left– and this time, she’d be right.  None of the other guys would ever talk to her because they are too shy, but they would have no trouble discussing why they are better of without her amongst themselves.   Ah, I nearly forgot.  We would need a bully too.  Some bigger guy with low self esteem that hides it with violence.  That guy would push the rest of the guys around and call them bad names like “mama’s boy” even though there would be no mamas around (they’re all in Alaska).  Anyways the pretty girl who doesn’t have any decent guy to talk to would date the Bully and get in a self destructive relationship with him.  All the rest of the guy would talk about how dumb she is for dating him, but really, is it her fault?

And that is what society will look like after the economic collapse.

Have a good day everyone!

There’s a scene in Disney’s The Jungle Book that I have always loved. The Beatles-like vultures are sitting around bored out of their minds and asking each other “What we gonna do?” It’s funny, but also very profound. Don’t we often find ourselves in situations where we continue to ask ourselves what am I going to do? We can get all the advice in the world, examine the situation from every possible angle and just have that feeling like ‘I HAVE to do something!” but just not know what to do next?

It’s difficult being at the crossroads. Sometimes taking a new path is very difficult, sometimes staying on the path you are on is the harder choice. Either way, whatever you decide you have to live with it.  It’s hard to know if you are choosing something because it is right,  or easy, or the alternative is too terrible to think of.  I know you can’t be afraid to try something new.  And really, the more possibilities you have, the stronger you are.

So what are you going to do?

Ever wonder what my earliest animation looked like?

You probably don’t care but here is a piece i did early in my school days.  I know it’s bad but you have to start somewhere, right?

Here is bluegrass legend Doc Watson and David Holt (whom i have never heard of) playing New River Train.

Who says you need a big budget to remake a great movie?

on second thought…

Is it a natural tendency to start evaluating yourself at every major milestone in life?  Is it right to think back at all the stuff you’ve been through and wonder if it was all worth while.  Did I build the greatest mutants the world has ever seen? Did I build the greatest empire on the backs of my slave-like drones?  Did I scam, cheat, swindle, manipulate and otherwise be untrue to every thing I’ve ever said or written?  Are there enough people out there cursing my very existence? Am I the greatest evil genius the world has ever known or could I have done more?

It’s easy to say “what’s done is done. Don’t look back at the corpse-strewn path or you’ll only regret the ones that got away.”  I certainly can relate to that.  I’d like to think I’ve done the best I can with what I was given but I wonder… With so many opportunities we are given in life, Did I make the most of every one?  Not every thing that comes along is meant to be grasped, I know.  I could have been an evil South American Dictator, but I just hate state-run television– there’s never anything good on.  I could have also went for more schooling and received my evil doctorate or at least my dark master’s degree.  There’s still time, I suppose.  Formal education only takes you so far, I suppose.  There’s no comparison to real-world domination experience.

I guess when I think about it, I realize that I have done a lot already.  And my life isn’t over yet.  If I take care of myself and the dark lemur is willing to not collect my soul yet, I still could have many years to terrorize the populace.  Each new day seems to be an opportunity for that.  I hope I can remember that each day and make the most of every chance I get.

You!  Why are you standing there!  Get to work!!

The pervasiveness of the modern gadget in our lives has led to many new forms of personal entertainment.  You can hardly find somebody that doesn’t carry a cell phone or own a portable gaming system or even have one of those hula girl tattoos on their bicep.  The fact is we are constantly being entertained. We spend billions each year on escaping our own harsh realities and being amused in some form or another– and that’s not to mention mind altering drugs.

To be a savvy consumer in this world wide marketplace of entertainment, you should be informed as to what products or services give you the most bang for your buck, so to speak.  That is yet another reason why you turn to Project Hellbeast–  we provide you with information on the very best this world has to offer.  So without further delay here is the Project Hellbeast Guide to Personal Entertainment.

bPOD– Many of you are familar with the portable MP3 player known as the ipod, but did you realize that another product can provide you with hours of entertainment and doesn’t require you to purchase songs or recharge a battery.  This amazing gadget is called the bPOD.  It’s elegantly designed cylindrical shape is one that only nature could come up with.  Simply carry around one of these bPODs and it plays a sort of melodic drone for hours on end.  The real entertainment happens when you get into a crowd of people. All you do is give your bPOD a hard shake and throw it on the ground. That is when the swarm of angry bees that were nesting inside the bPOD comes flying out and stings everyone in sight.  It is certainly the most fun you will have for hours. And since the bees don’t discriminate, you get the full experience every time.  The best thing is that bPods are free and widely available in nature.  Look for all three styles– Yellowjacket, Hornet, and Paper Wasp.  Get yours today!

Antidote treasure hunt–  If you are tired of how predictable most video games have become these days, I recommend the  Antidote treasure hunt.  It consists of getting together with a group of friends, giving one of them the antidote and the rest of you all drinking a slow acting poison.  The fun begins as you have one hour to track down and drink the antidote before any of your friends get to it.  As you drunkenly weave your way through the city, you will test your skills like never before.  There’s nothing like a game where you only get one guy– and it’s YOU.  Forget about collecting points, it’s a free for all mad scramble to get that antidote.  You’ve got nothing to lose but your own life.   And if you win- you get to put your three letter initials  on a poster in the main entrance of Gorduchi’s Pizza on south main– making it totally worth the risk.

Rancor pit-  Home theater systems are getting better every day, but nothing compares to the audio and visual experience of your very own Rankor pit in you house.  Invite your friends over to see it and when one of them walks over the trap door… Wham! You’ve got yourself a complete experience for an evening.  Watch them scream and yell and try to climb up the chute again. If they’re lucky they might be able to wedge a bone in the terrible beast’s mouth, but their reprieve will be only momentary, as the huge beast’s jaws will be able to snap that femur with no problem.  Watch and laugh from your sliding platform.  You can even dress the poor sap’s girlfriend in a gold bikini with a heavy chain bolted to her neck.  It won’t matter because he is a goner.  And you get to sit back and enjoy the show.  The drawbacks to the Rancor pit are the costs associated with constructing the pit and purchasing and keeping the Rancor. But the look of surprise on your friends faces when the are pitted against the six ton killing machine will be totally worth the money.  Yeah piggy, run! hahaha!

Well, there you have it. My top picks for keeping you entertained and the world afraid. Get out there and have some fun.

 I took this Myers-Briggs Personality Test a while back and was fascinated by the results. Not only did I HAVE a personality, it was actually quite a interesting one.  I am what is affectionately known as  INTJ or “A Mastermind.”   Shocking!   You say.  But it’s true.   This means that I like to think and plan and scheme.  I won’t settle for what’s there or what is, just because someone says that it is.  I can’t be bothered by your feelings  and emotions.  I am introverted and like to plan my world conquest alone.

It is actually quite helpful to know the type personality you are, as well as the personalities of those around you.   I happen to work in an office with more than one INTJ’s.   We happen to get along quite well.  We sometimes have a disconnect with others, however because we want things to work and are always looking for detailed solutions.  For other personality types, this is can result in some serious friction.  Knowing these areas that  cause tension can be helpful for conflict resolution or for avoiding the trouble spots in the first place.

Don’t believe a personality test can change your life?

Take it yourself here.