M * W

1 09 2006

Conflict can and will occur. From the most minute annoyance to the biggest betrayals, our actions and interactions will sometime take a devastating toll on our relationships. Here are the steps you can do to get you back on good terms with your lady.

1. Apologize. (Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, you do have something to apologize for.)

2. Accept Responsibility. If you just apologized then you are to blame, You might as well take the heat standing up. (It often helps to mix metaphors when you are taking the blame.)

3. Grovel. You are the reason for all this, you’d better start sucking up and fast. How could you be so irresponsible?

4. Say “It’ll never happen again.” This step is purely ceremonial. It dates back to the 12th century English legend of “Sir Galahad and Chamber pot seat that was left up.” The words are irrelevant and unimportant, but they still need to be said.

5.Give Gift. After spending all this time with the apology process, the last thing you want is for your lady friend to continue to dwell on your mistake. Presents* can shift the focus from “He did something wrong” to “He got me something!” This leaves you in prime position to negotiate the hidden step 6.
(6.) Make up sex. WARNING! The author of this article does not claim that step 6 will actually occur. Furthermore, he does not assert that sex is ever a guarntee. EVER.

* A note on presents. Presents can consist of everything from chocolate bars, to a life-sized statue of your lady made out of chocolate, to a 900 ft tall monument, carved out of diamond in the town center of Hershey, PA. All presents must be wrapped and should be valued in proportion with the size of your blunder.


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