Statistics

8 09 2006

Those of you who know me are cognizant of the fact that I am no statistician. That wordy mouthful said, I would like to present…

drum roll…

PHIL’s big, giant list of fabricated statistics.

1. 80% of movies are watchable, 10% are really good. 50% of foreign movies are overrated. 100% of movies containing Lindsey Lohan should be degaussed, incinerated, mashed into a gooey paste, thrown in to a barrel of acid and incinerated again.

2. There is an 81% chance that at any given time, my wallet will contain no money.

3. 35% of the people I talk to don’t get when I am joking.

4. 20% of you are paranoid and feel like someone is watching you. Just like that person who is watching you right now. Look slowly over your right shoulder.  Do you see them?    15% of you just checked to see if there is someone watching you.

5. 44% of people living in the year 2045 will be suddenly and unexpectedly attacked by robots. That is a 99.9% increase from the year 1945.

6. 73% of my day is spent doing things I dont like. 26% of my day is spent asleep.

7. 13% of the people you talk to on the phone are dressed like giant orange cats.

8. 9% of lawyers are vampires.  3% of orthodontists are werewolves.  And  92% of DMV employees just don’t give a shit what your problem is, get back in line!

That is the list of statistics i have compiled. It is in no way comprehensive. If you are foolish enought, feel free to cite me as a source in your doctoral thesis. I’m sure it will be great.

ALSO:  Coming soon!  Phil’s Movie and DVD Reviews.


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2 responses

14 09 2006
Virg.

So tell me… what do you really think of Lindsey Lohan? Have you seen her “commando” pictures on the net? Unfortunately, some of my co-workers have been compelled to forward them to me via email (aaarrrggghhhhh!). I agree – she is NOT my “cup of tea”!

14 09 2006
Phil

Funny you should mention that. I did see a censored photo of it… The nightmares. (shudder, shudder…)

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