World’s gravy supply diminishing.

15 09 2006

(Frankfurt) – Today an announcement was made by GIBLET, the conglomeration of gravy producing countries, that the world’s largest gravy field was drying up. Scientists estimate that unless new gravy deposits are discovered that the world will run out of gravy completely by the year 2015. This announcement comes as no surprise to industry insiders who have witnessed the cut in production from 200,000 to a meager 15,000 barrels per day. The price of gravy has skyrocketed in recent months and with the holiday season approaching, many people are wondering if they will be able to afford it. “My family has used gravy for years,” said a tearful Holly Marsh, from New Jersey, “I just don’t think we could eat turkey without it.” Scientists have been attempting to make a petroleum-based gravy substitute that uses 85% diesel fuel, but many feel that it just isn’t the same. “I ain’t eatin’ that s**t !” says Tyrone Mayfield, of Swiss Park, Indiana. “Hell no!” Congress has already authorized tapping into the nation’s emergency supplies of gravy. And hopes are high that the new gravy deposits will be discovered, but there is a growing realization of the possibility that we all must face: A world without gravy.


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15 09 2006
anonymous

It’s the cooking industry’s irresponsible use of gravy and the world’s governments failure to impose restrictions on its use that have brought us to this. Despite the great strides forward made in the dressing industry in the past 50 years, there can be no substitute for gravy, and the new ecologically-sound gravy substitutes just aren’t cutting it. Ultimately, however, we have no-one but ourselves to blame.

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