Scare-the-crap-outta-me Elmo

22 09 2006

The new Tickle me Elmo came out a couple days ago and already it is sold out in many stores. People are selling them on E-bay for twice what you pay normally for them. They are poised to be the next big toy of Christmas. With all that in mind, and a warm gushy feeling of love for my adorable little 1 1/2 year old, Miliana, I went to my local Wal-mart to see if I could perhaps purchase one of these amazing toys. I walked through the toy section, which seems to be growing like creeper vines as we get toward our nation’s most loved holiday, and I don’t see it. I stop one of the friendly employees.
“Hey do you have that new elmo guy?”
“Righ neah” He says pointing to a center island display about the size of a Holstein, that I was standing right in front of.
“Ok.” If it had been an engorged alien slug from the dark side of Neptune, it would have already coated me in a sticky goo and laid its eggs in my spinal column.
I grab one of the boxes and head for the front.
At the self check area, (a system i like to use because cashiers would just as soon not talk to me or be pleasant to me in any way)
anyways at the self check area I make my purchase and the lady who works there tells me that they have a limit of two Elmos per customer. Wow, i think, How cool am I getting this rare find. Won’t my daughter be thrilled with me?

I bring it home and after dinner, I hand my girl this mysterious box.
“Bring this to mommy and have her help you open it”
She dutifully lugs the box over to my wife, who is seated on the couch. Mary opens the flap on the box, which by the way has a little electronic message from elmo when you open the flap, the box begins to say something about elmo in the box, but before it can even get three words in Mary clamps the flap shut.
A look of deep concern washes over my daugher. This is not going well.
We calm and reassure her and she seems to feel better, but the seeds of fear have been planted.
Elmo is extracted from the box and the look of terror returns. She clings tightly to mommy. We try to encourage her to play and that it is safe but to no avail. She begins to cry.
Well, I can see that she isn’t going to warm up to elmo today. So with an eyebrow arched and a twinkle in my eye, I decide to go for the piez du resistance. I turn the power switch on and press elmo’s belly. The little robot in red fur springs to life, giggling, slapping his thigh and rolling on the floor. Us adults find it hilarious, Mili only cries. We shut the doll off , set it aside, and commence in comforting our little sensitive soul. Perhaps she is a little too young for the toy, Maybe we presented it wrong. I guess elmo will have to go on the shelf for a while. I could always wrap it back up and give it to her for Christmas.

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