An open letter to any girl who knew me in high school

13 11 2006

Dear any girl from my high school days (no one specific),

First of all, let me say that I apologize. That seems like a good place to start. I realize that I was creepy back then. I know that I tried to hard. I understand that I completely reeked of desperation and you just wanted me to go away, get kidnapped by Albanian Nationalists and held hostage until you could graduate and go off to college and away from me. Believe me I understand.

I know that I wasn’t the coolest guy. I know wore clothing bought from Marshalls and TJ Max. I know that I would save up my money and buy one really “nice” article of clothing (like a Starter jacket or pair of Girbauds) and wear it as much as I possibly could, in the desperate attempt to have one of you like me. Only you never would because you saw through my cheap disguise and that deep down I was still a nerd.

I apologize for lying all the time. Making up stories that you might be impressed with. I’m sorry for paying so much attention to you. For caring so much and getting nothing in return. I’m sorry I didn’t just focus on learning something in high school besides the lyrics to Metallica songs. I’m sorry I let it break my heart when you dated guys that where much older than you. I’m sorry I wasn’t your type.

Now that they years have gone by and you’ve had ample time to squander your existence. I just wanted to write and say, “I’m doing much better now, thank you.”  Without going into too much detail, (I wouldn’t want any of you psychotics tracking me down)  let me just say that,  things are going well.  I’m not the creep that I once was.  I’m actually someone that people like to talk to.  In fact I could go as far to say that,  I am someone that people find desirable.

Its ok. I understand. You were into a different kind of man. Not someone like me. Why,  I didn’t drive a Ski-doo, or chew copenhagen, or hit women.  Thats alright.  I’m sure he’s wonderful when he isn’t drinking.  And I don’t see why he wouldn’t let you go back to school and get your GED, after all, wasn’t it he who knocked you up in the first place so you couldn’t graduate?

So I just wanted to let you know that I’m fine.  I’m not bitter or anything about the way you acted and I don’t harbor any grudges.  I hope all is well for you and that we may see each other again. Or at least you will see me, on the crappy little TV in your trailer, accepting the Nobel prize or an Academy Award.

Best wishes,

Phil


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One response

14 11 2006
Mary

My poor boy treated so badly. Well at least you have me, right.

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