Reinvention of Me

28 11 2006

I grew up in one place for most of my childhood. Small town. Almost entirely Caucasian. Middle America. I spent years trying to claw my way up the social ladder, but I didn’t play sports and I had way too many socially awkward “situations” to ever make it into the inner circle.
Then, the summer after my 9th grade year, my family and I moved to central Washington. It was strange, but when school started, I found myself hanging out with a group of friends that I wouldn’t normally associate myself with: the cool kids. What happened? Did I somehow find some geographic abnormality where the average coolness of an individual was so low, that even I was cool? No. It was something more simple than that. When I moved, I became the new kid. These kids didn’t know about how bizarre i once was. All they knew about me was what they saw and what I told them about myself. I had the perfect opportunity to reinvent who I was. So of course I told them I was an Adopted, CIA-trained weapons expert, in the Witness Protection Program.

Becoming someone new is easy. All you have to do is move to a new state (or country if you are feeling adventurous) and become the person you want to be. Grow a mustache, wear a monocle, speak with a slight Portuguese accent, give yourself a nickname, get USMC tattooed on your shoulder, walk with a limp, Shave your head, dress like a 17th century British Naval Lieutenant. These are all things you can do to reinvent yourself.

It is also important to have a good story to go with your new attribute as well. Some of my favorites are:
“… I lost that in Da Nang back in ’72.”
” Then they asked me if I had any last requests. I say, ‘Yeah, just one…'”
“and when I woke the next morning, not only was my wallet gone, but I was hog-tied on a Chinese fishing trawler in the Yellow sea…”
“I don’t know why but I just assumed the gun wasn’t loaded.”
“The doctor comes to me and says, ‘Good news and bad news, the good news is that the surgery went well…'”

So if you are a little tired of who you are, or always wanted to be a certain way. Reinvent yourself. I look forward to meeting you again for the first time. And when you see me again, you will know me as a Color-blind Turkish assassin named Haresh.

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One response

30 11 2006

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