New Years’ Revolutions

3 01 2007

As we like to say here on Project Hellbeast. “I think, therefore, give that mutant chimp a machine gun.”   And that has been our philosophy. For the next year we plan on making the mutated chimps bigger and the machine guns … uh… also bigger.  My point being that 2007 should be a banner year for those of us who survive it. 

Once the quarantine has been lifted from sector 12 we will immediately begin converting the clean rooms in the virus labs into the Project Hellbeast Sunshine Daycare Center. It will be a wonderful place for your children to play and learn while you are at work. All parents on the waiting list must have their liability waiver in before their child can enter the Project Hellbeast Sunshine Daycare Center.

We will soon have our new Robot Overlords in place to act as go betweens for personnel and upper management. They will handle the every day operations as well as the more sensitive issues that the average worker will have, with all the compassion of a cold, unfeeling robot.  We expect productivity to increase by 1200%.

Our newest model of Hellbeast is expected to hit the market in Q2. It is a cheetah equipped with laser cannons. Our slogan will be “Your laser cannon just got faster.”  Early tests are positive, after we suppressed any negative test results. 

Finally, we are hiring an outside consulting firm to help us with improving our organizational needs. Each of you will be meeting with a member of their team to determine your role in a possible reorganization.  No need to worry, however, but I would recommend you keeping your resume up to date.

That is all.

Professor Manticore

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