Reasons for living through the week

7 04 2007

I’m sure most of you live like zombies, staggering and moaning your way through life.  It has probably crossed your mind once or a million times that, well, what’s the point. Why go on if it’s just going to be Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi in the White House for the next 8 years,  gas prices above 4$ a gallon and still no cloned dinosaurs?  Why not go step in front of the #18 bus to Washington Park, and see if it’s really true what they say : ‘Public transit is a good way to go’?  Don’t despair, my friends,  for while the  universe is vastly immense and you are but a tiny particle on a tiny speck of a planet spinning endlessly in the emptiness of the void,  there is still hope.

Heres something to help you get through the week.

Monday.  Probably the hardest day of the week to get through.  I recommend a little bit of vodka in everything you drink to help lubricate all interactions.  Drink until you can see talking unicorns, then spend the day with those unicorns.  Larry is the tall one with the rainbow mane.  He’s super nice, just don’t ask about the scar.

Tuesday.  Not much better than monday, with the exception that new DVDs come out.  So kidnap a German tourist and make them watch  new documentaries on the history of the reclining bicycle, while you make horseradish and apricot daiquiris in a pink luchador costume.

Wednesday.  Don’t kill yourself today.  LOST is on.

Thursday.  You made it past the hump,  speaking of which, that hunchback stripper you’ve been dating.  Well, she’s been cheating on you.  Dump her, and go adopt another kitten from the animal shelter.  Ignore them when they ask you what you are doing with all those kittens.

Friday. One more day and it’s the weekend. Remember that anything not worth doing is not worth doing well, so forget the safety harness, that is what the fear response and adrenaline are for.  Oh, and you need to pick up another gallon of 2%.  This time get chocolate.

THE WEEKEND. Hurrah!  Sit on your couch and watch Friends reruns until it is over.  Wasn’t that fun?


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