Updated statistics- calendar year 2007

13 04 2007

Recently my own personal record keepers, otherwise known as Phil’s Bureau of Complicated Numbers and Meaningless Statistics, or PBCNMS if you will,  compiled new data based on a wide sample group consisting of  Pygmie-German Americans who live in or near Scappoose, WA.   These statistics do not reflect all representatives of that group (whatever, Steve!)  and should not be considered definitive.  Without  further ado I give you  Updated Statistics for calendar year 2007.

Monkey attack increase from 2006:  42%

Chicken sandwich attack increase from 2006:  5%

Odds of being mistaken for a mariachi guitarist and being forced to play at a rich kids birthday party: 16%

Percent of your soul that is now dead: 85%

Your change in sexual attractiveness from 2006: 0%

Current standing of sexual attractiveness amongst humans:  bottom 1%

Current standing of sexual attractiveness amongst walrus: top 80%

The bad news:  20% of walrus look better than you.

Odds of a complete overhaul of your companies leadership: 3%

Chances that I will ever get my ipod:  No way in hell.

Part of me that really cares: .01%

Percent of cartoon characters that wear a shirt and no pants:  47%

Percent of cartoon characters  that wear pants and no shirt:  26%  (what’s up with that?)

Money made after totally improvising a beautiful Spanish love ballad that made the rich kids parents remember why they fell in love in the first place:  20$.         20$!!!!   YOU CHEAPASS BASTARDS!! SCREW YOU!  I’LL NEVER PLAY ANY BIRTHDAY PARTIES EVER AGAIN!!!!

Disclaimer:  All statistics should be used for entertainment and long term Iraq strategy purposes only.   Also, FOR SALE: One mariachi guitar, slightly used.  cheap.


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