The Dragon calls Tech Support.

9 05 2007

Here is an excerpt from the Dragon’s recent call to tech support, as retold by the Dragon:

Phone rings, answered by a computer voice.

C:  For English say “one”, for Poor English say “two”,  for Complete Nonsensical Gibberish say “Three”, for all other Foreign Languages say “Four”

D: Hello?

The call is automatically forwarded.

TS:  Allo, deez Steve, Me-elep you?

D: There’s something wrong with my dongle.  Can you fix that or what?

TS: Call deez number. 1-800-***-****.

D: Uh… ok.

Dials number.

TS: Hello, this is Parvez. How can I help you?

D: Yeah, I’m trying to get my dongle to work with your program and–

TS: Just a second, sir.  I’ll transfer you.

Clicks and beeps.  The line rings again.

TS:  Allo, deez Steve, Me-elep you?

D: Didn’t I just talk to you about my dongle?

TS: Ok.

Dragon seethes quietly.

TS:  You hab be geet Dongle ID?

D:  Dongle ID number?  Just a sec.

Sound of phone falling to the floor, footsteps, door opening and closing.

Five minutes pass.

TS: Allo? Messtur?

Sound of door opening and closing, footsteps, and phone being picked up.

D: Smoke break,  I’m back.   Dongle ID is ********-****.  Listen, I’m trying to get this program to work but I need you send a new license file, I need it by 5 o’ clock.

TS:  Wha tieem iz eet thar, eh?

D:  4 o’ clock.

TS:  I geet eet to you, en Two hours.

D: What? I just told you, I–.

TS:  Call deez number. 1-800-***-****.

D: No! I just called that and got transfered to you!

TS:  Jus secon, sur…

Dragon is put on hold, he begins conversation with co-worker. Tech support guy returns.

TS: Sur?

D: … so that was when I found out that the rash wasn’t going away.  Uh, what?

TS: We send you a new license file.

D: Ok, bye!

Call ends. Dragon calls back five minutes later, and then every five minutes after that for next two hours,  each time having a nearly identical conversation with the mysterious and enigmatic ‘Steve’.  Day ends with Dragon rocking slowly, hugging himself,  and singing softly the theme music to Hawaii 5-0.

D: Ya-ya-ya-ya-yaaaa-yaa!


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