Project Hellbeast Suggestion Box

7 06 2007

When I first noticed the impromptu suggestion box nestled in the corner of the lunchroom, I must admit to being a bit affronted by it, and felt the need to track down the individuals responsible for it and see that they met a nasty end. But cooler heads prevailed, and after Ricky Joslyn from Level 5 Genome lab ‘vanished’ mysteriously, I began to feel a bit indulgent and decided I would address your quaint little suggestions.

1. Restock vending machines in the primate lab . Hmm, the monkeys want more peanuts huh? Ok, consider it done. See? That wasn’t so difficult.

2. Urinal in Advanced Weapons lab bathroom leaks. Consider it fixed. What else…

3.  More breathable air in the undersea containment pens for divers.   We ration enough air for each diver, if you use up the air we give you that is your own fault.  On to the next one.

4. Restore power to containment units in the Carnivorous Mammoth cages so they don’t escape and eat people.  If you weren’t so delicious they wouldn’t try to eat you. Next.

5. Malfunctioning Robot supervisors are killing employees randomly.  Listen,  I said early on that we had a few bugs to work out in our Robot Supervisor program. You are just going to have to be patient.

6. Malfunctioning Robot supervisors are killing employees methodically.  That is a known software issue which we should have fixed by the end of the week.

7.  No contact with the employees in sub basement RD-7  since they sent the distress call last thursday.  Jeez,  do I have to do everything around here? Why don’t you figure something out.

8. Executive lounge is low on massage oil and caviar.  Actually I added this one, and its already been taken care of.

Well that was good to have some interface with the worker bees from time to time.  I know this wasn’t all the ‘suggestions’ we recieved, but the rest were more like ‘complaints’  and the submitters have either retracted them or are not around anymore to have them addressed.  Thank you and get back to work.

Professor Manticore


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