Williams, Edwards, Alvers, Simms, Edwards, Labert LAWFIRM LLC. (Mutants Magazine ad)

6 11 2007

Some people like to involve themselves in hobbies that include physically demanding athletic activities. As for myself, I do not speak from experience. Bungee jumping from altitudes greater than 20,000 feet is not physical at all. You just step off the platform.

Fact :Any type of physical exertion over long periods leads to major degradation of the cerebral cortex. (For those of you that might have a hobbie like this, your brain) I will now substantiate my claims; a)Mike Tyson b) Consider my co-worker. He plays raquetball twice a week. Each time he returns to work the next day and complains of aches and pains. “Wow!” I say, “sounds like fun.” “Oh yes, It’s quite a workout” he says as he pops 3 Tylenol and hobbles off to the coffee machine. The biggest offender is a non-professional athlete. This is someone that will continue on with their “workouts” until they are so pained that they finally must resort to chemicals or surgery in order to continue their regimen. Is this you? Does it hurt after a workout? If you just said “Yes, but I feel better” Then you have a problem. Or maybe you jog 2 miles a day. Your knees start to hurt. No don’t stop jogging! Contuinue to jog until you can’t anymore. (Wouldn’t it make sense that after you hit your finger with a hammer and say “ouch” you take some pills and continue to hit your finger.)So you go to a “doctor” he says “take 2 of these pills when you feel the pain” You continue to run and few years later the same doctor recommends that you have your knees replaced. Or maybe you have blackberry thumb from texting or Ipod earlobe from your headphones. This is not your fault. Your doctor should have told you that your body will wear out if you use it. If this sounds like you, and you have suffered pain from any type of activity, then please call our Firm for immediate Class Action Suit. You may be entitled to Billions of dollars in settlements from hundreds of manufacturers, doctors and drug companies.


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2 responses

6 11 2007
Katie

I think you may have some — “other” competition.

http://lovemutagenics.com/

I love to see you squirm, mwahaha.

7 11 2007
Phil

See? Their online store is closed… Now is that the result of an American Bison with twin mini guns running rough shot through their server room? Perhaps.
Or perhaps this is just one of the thousand affiliates we have working covertly or independently throughout the…
damn!

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