Hellbeast Project Approvals

12 11 2007

We as the upper management of Project Hellbeast thoroughly appreciate all the contributions you (our employees) have made to make this experiment in ‘playing God’ such a success. We all think of your fine work whenever we open a bottle of expensive champagne or smear endangered dolphin fat on our faces as questionably effective facial creme.  You may not reap the rewards directly but you do get to keep your jobs for another several months and you do experience the intangible, (I would argue) more important benefits of your bosses in good moods, well-fed, happy, youthful-looking and able to make clear-minded decisions from our Ginseng + Golden Tamarind hypocampus for healthy neural processing.

The downside to all this free-spirited experimentation has been many unfortunately designed creatures. These mishaps have cost us in time, equipment, facilities and in the case of the exploding porcupines,  Archie Bakker got  multiple  infected needle wounds in his buttocks.

Due to this recent spate of  mishaps, the following approval procedures will be implemented:

1. All plans for new creatures or high modifications to existing creatures classified dangerous, moderately dangerous, or potently stinky must have senior level approval signed on their Form 722 before project begins.

2. Any mid-level modifications to beavers, muskrats, or other aquatic rodents should be done on the level 4 test range behind the blast gates.  Extra parts should be collected and recycled.

3. Modifications to small flightless birds are to be restricted to no more than 7.92 grain weapon systems.  Lasers are preferred, but are not yet considered manditory.

4. An all out ban on pneumatic enhancement of kangroo legs is in effect until further notice. The damage to the marsupial workshop ceiling is still being repaired.

5. Combing the potent sedative found in the brain of the three-toed sloth and injecting it into an overweight Siamese cat  does not make them any lazier.   If this is your present line of research, please stop.

Thank you for all your time and attention into these matters.

Get back to work,




One response

15 11 2007


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