Project Hellbeast’s Favorite Cookie Recipe

5 12 2007

Theres something about the way the snow blankets the trees, the frosty chill in the air and squirts of blood are easily tracked by ground units that make this time of year my favorite. All the children snuggle down in their beds, hoping, waiting to hear the sound of that nefarious bastard, Winter Claus come scraping up through the coal chutes, ice pick in one hand and trailing his dead leg. (I wounded him, but you know how persistent he can be!) Yes it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

Every year about this time my grandmother would return from the ice floes, reattach her wire whisk cooking arm and make a batch of my favorite recipe. She’s gone now, (spends most of her time at the casinos in Delaware) but we can still enjoy her recipe.

 Death Shard Delights

1 c Flour

1 c Sugar

1/2 c Shortening ( or condensed Bear Fat)

2 tspVanilla

1 swiss pocket watch  (crushed with gear springs removed)

2 Eggs

1 C  Apeshit

8 oz. Cream of Weasel Soup

1 small vial of Iocaine powder  (odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquids)

1 C Infected Zombie blood.

Prehead oven to 350.  Combine dry ingredients in a metal mixing bowl  and stir with metal whisk mixing arm.  Mix liquids  in separate bowl and bronze with  brulee torch or flame thrower.   Mix everything together and form into compact disks.  Bake for 12 minutes or until cookies brown.   Remove from oven and attach trip wires before they cool .     Sprinkle with gunpowder or Primacord sprinkles.   Enjoy.



One response

10 12 2007

ooo, im going to have to make these for our Christmas cookie EXTRAVOGANZA! this weekend.

Do you know where the closest Army/Navy store is around here?

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