Sell your soul today!

10 03 2008

If any of you are unfamiliar with classic literature, (which means all of you) the story of selling your soul to the devil is as old as ‘drinking too much and waking up with a cave woman.’  Everyone from Faust to Daniel Webster  to Lindsey Lohan all got wicked awesome skills from trading something they weren’t using anyways.  How cool is that?

devil and fiddle

 Most of you would say: “You’d better believe I would trade my soul for the ability to play blues guitar, or perform the worlds fastest tracheotomy, or even just get past the last guy on level 7 of Mario Bros.  if only someone would trade my soul for it?”   And since the devil doesn’t just go around making such offers, we here at Project Hellbeast feel like you shouldn’t be without options.  Selling your soul should be as easy as picking up the phone and just as fast.   Project Hellbeast’s new Sell your Soul plan will give you the best return possible for your immortal soul.  And the beauty part is that we won’t trick you and collect it early.  We sign an agreement that we only get your soul after you die naturally.  If you are naturally gored by a hideous mutant with lasers, how is that our fault?   In the mean time, you get to enjoy fame, wealth, or popularity with your new supernatural ability.  What could be better than that?

You might be asking?  Project Hellbeast?  Don’t they manufacture the world’s best mutants?  What do they know about my immortal soul?  Well, I’m glad you asked, because we just opened a new division in Los Angeles, California, the soul-taking capitol of the world. Our experienced practitioners are more than qualified to handle your eternal being (most have retrained from the entertainment industry.) Call us today and find out what we’ll offer for your soul today.  Your newfound ability awaits.  Isn’t it time that you got something for that old soul of yours?



3 responses

12 03 2008

Hey Phil,

It looks like with this post you’ve officially become a screenwriter;)

12 03 2008

What the hell (haha), count me in!

A risky life is a life worth not living — or something to that effect. Wotwot.

12 03 2008

D!: How do you all think I got these mad skillz in the first place?

Katie: Since your soul is a bit scuffed and has a lot of mileage, the best I can offer is the ability to control the thoughts of ear weevils. Do we have a deal?

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