Foreign Travel

12 05 2008

Just to assuage everyone’s fears that I actually was not devoured by a ravenous herd of fork tailed iguana monkeys, I professor Emeritus will offer you a few tantalizing droppings relating to my journeys.

Very recently my past few weeks has been spent cavorting in around what I still consider to be a third word country. No, not Florida or New York. Let’s just say it was south of the border. Yes, it was all good fun. Eating and drinking in the sights and sounds of a foreign land. Speaking in foreign tongues. Eating unknown meats off sticks purchased from some guy walking down the beach. Reaping the benefits of such ventures later on in the day.

The high point of the trip may have been late one evening when vaguely remember wandering into some strange cavernous Greek themed building. I was forced by one of the local servant girls into drinking several small glasses of what appeared to be kool-aid, but judging from the taste was actually scorpion urine. The server girl then shook my head rapidly from side to side in a motion that seemed to aggravate the vile mixture. I was then removed from my seat and tossed into the street.

From what I could understand from the native peoples, this was a great honor and I was forced to act accordingly. That being said, the rest of my journey was spent resting on many of the thrones of that glorious country. Apparently scorpion urine has no positive health benefits other than as a mach speed digestion increaser. It gives the feeling that your intestines are being wrung out like a washcloth. I plan on bottling this and offering it for sale on the internet later this year. Imagine this, someday you too could feel like royalty and spend weeks near your porcelain throne! The whole experience was beyond words.

I did manage to pick up some words from the native peoples and I am attempting to translate them into the english language. More on that later.


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One response

17 05 2008
James

What if you pour it directly into your belly button… or into your left belly button if you still have both?

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