Project Hellbeast’s Guide to the Financial Crisis

9 10 2008

Project Hellbeast has always been your guide to life and its many mysteries, and even though I have no “professional” experience in offering financial advice and you should use what I tell you at your own peril (seriously),  I want to give you my tips for how to survive the current finanical crisis.

First of all, without trying to sound flippant,  there really is NO financial crisis right now.   It’s all just numbers in the ether going up or going down.  Does it really have a real world impact on your life?  The answer is no.  If the dow drops 200 points,  are there Visigoths breaking down you door stealing those antique pearls that your great grandmother brought across the ocean when she immigrated from Madagascar back in ’06?    The simple fact is that panic feeds on itself.  It builds and infects the weak and eats their pancreas with maple syrup.  The market may be down now but you will be amazed at how fast it will rebound.  And then you will kick yourself for not buying low.

Seeing how everyone is in a panic mood– that is what I recommend you buy right now.  Panic industries.  Guns,  Surplus military gear.  Mayan Calenders,  Vaporizer rays,  Robots, and  my top pick is… Project Hellbeast Industries.  You cant go wrong with the world’s top provider of genetically enhanced mutant creatures used to terrorize the populace.   I have a small disclaimer here.   Full disclosure : this blog is owned and operated by a not for profit private collective of non-partisan, non-denominational, super intelligent chimpanzees with laser eyes.   That’s all.   So invest heavily in mutant hellbeasts and hellbeast accessories.   When the panic spreads,  unleash the beast and you just might find yourself in control of an entire nation-state.

Good luck and happy hunting!



2 responses

10 10 2008

I’ll take 51% of your shares!!

10 10 2008
Professor Manticore

Hey, that sounds pretty good….


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