Sex in the City alternate finale

14 10 2008

For those of you who are fans of the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan, you know it to be a long, sprawling and pointless series, rife with cliche’, and almost physically painful to read.  But you also know that due to Mr. Jordan’s passing, the series is left to another writer to finish this sweeping epic.  In discussing this with another writer friend of mine, I thought it would be quite difficult to take someone else’s series so beloved and try to end it well.  But he challenged me to give it a try.  Since someone else is so graciously completing the Wheel of Time saga, I thought I would try another classic  that could really use some improvement.  So here goes–  My alternate finale to Sex and the City.

Carrie types on her laptop commenting on her latest sexual misadventure in this bustling, vibrant metropolis called Gotham.  Suddenly the curtains ruffle and she notices a dark figure.  She yelps, surprised to see Batman seated in her cream colored Ethan Allen Suzette Arm chair.  Carrie  curses Batman for standing her up again, especially after she just bought a new pair of Manolo Blahniks for the occasion. Batman informs her that her friends Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda have all been killed by the Joker.   Carrie bursts into tears at the loss of her friends, but then laments about the good times they had.   Carrie suddenly sees the bright side in all of this– she gets to buy three new outfits for their funerals.  Batman warns her not to get to excited– the Joker is coming for her next.

The next day, Carrie is eating lunch at the Antique Cafe when Mr. Big comes in with his face painted white and a crimson red smile cut into his cheeks.  Carrie comments on their on-again, off-again relationship and he laughs. Big then tells a story of how he got the scars on his cheeks.

Batman crashes through the glass but finds he is too late.  Carrie Bradshaw is dead.  Batman chases the Joker and eventually catches him.   At the end Batman writes Carrie’s eulogy one last time for the newspaper.

The end.

So what do you think?



3 responses

14 10 2008

It holds together really well until the end. Did Batman get a job at the Daily Planet? Why is writing a yewgoogley?

14 10 2008

It pains me to see how much of SITC information you truly know…

15 10 2008

Instant. Classic.

Though I would propose you mention more gigantic explosions. Everybody loves those.

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