The real cause of the Gulf oil spill

8 06 2010

My apologies BP,
It is unfortunate that you have taken the blame for the horror and devastation in the Gulf of Mexico, when it is I, Professor Socrates Manticore, who is the real culprit. Oh, don’t get me wrong. It was your platform that exploded and your pipeline that is currently seeping hot death to every scrap of life between here and Grand Cayman, but it was I, or rather, my creation that toppled the first domino (to borrow the expression). Yes, I was testing my newest hell beast, an ancient and monstrous Liopleurodon, fitted with a an earthquake collar, when it escaped our tether ships and went amok. I must say I’m delighted at the force and destruction it caused. This single wanton act of carnage has delighted my potential customers and enabled me to triple my commissioning fees for new hell beasts.
So, as a fellow purveyor in malicious endeavors, I thank you, sirs. I’m sorry this was at your expense, but I’m sure you’ll return the favor someday when I bite into a shrimp that tastes like 10w30.